Reasons Why
by Romantic Puck
Summary: Contemplation and the end of school lead to an understanding that nothing will ever be the same again. Remus flies towards his only chance for freedom.


**Reasons Why**

**_A/N: _**Well, I needed a complete story to put on my name now that I switched them, so here it is. Something I did over spring break when I was bored. For my friend Kay, who got me thinking over break about Remus' seventh year sorrows, and my best friend for just being cool. :)

Please R&R: I really LOOOOVVVVEEE comments. Don't love the flames as much, though. I think if I get any of those darned fiery things, I might use them to light the candles I have around the house...:)

_**DISCLAIMER:** _It's all JKR's, man. I only twist the circumstances when I get bored. The song lyrics are from "My Immortal" by Evanescence.

Remus strolled down the hallway with his back hunched, heading slowly to the owlery. His face was drawn, and everything about him was exuding sorrow. This was Lupin's last month at Hogwarts before graduation, and he couldn't stand it. The thought of leaving his friends and the place where he fit in froze him cold. Remus knew that a werewolf like him would have a hard time out in the real world. More likely than not, Remus wouldn't be able to find a job, even with his straight OWL's, excellent grades and astounding NEWT levels. People just weren't willing to trust a Dark Creature.

So despite the fact that Remus knew he should be enjoying his last days with the people who loved him, he just couldn't do it. Every time the Marauders planned to go hang out or sneak to Hogsmeade, Remus would become a stick in the mud by the end of the trip. It was almost as if the end of each event pounded another nail into the coffin that was his future. In fact, after awhile he just stopped going on any escapades at all, hoping to avoid the misery they would bring him. And yet, even when he was alone, Moony was still stuck with a heavy lead weight in his stomach that he couldn't get rid of.

"_I'm so tired of being here, suppressed by all my childish fears."_

No matter what the brunette werewolf tried, he couldn't bring himself to imagine a future that would turn out okay. He could go back to his home, but his mother recently passed away, and his father was deathly afraid of him. At least, that's what Remus presumed. Every time he was around the man his father was shooting piercing glances his way, and would never turn his back on his son, no matter what the circumstances were. No, living at home would be like living on a porcelain floor that was directly above hell: one wrong move and Remus would fall through to the depths of torment that fear and anger can bring.

And sure, Remus would have James, Sirius and Peter to fall back on, but how long could Moony drag them down with him? Even if they got a job right away, taking care of two people on a newcomers salary wasn't easy. Remus couldn't expect them to help him pay his rent forever, and the job market wasn't looking promising, especially with that new law against Dark Creatures in the workplace that was so close to passing.

No, Remus had only one choice, one chance to break out of this suffering he endured daily. He knew exactly what it was, and though he wasn't absolutely sure this was what he wanted, the werewolf knew without a doubt that he did not want to keep struggling to make it in the world that would only shoot him down.

"_And if you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave, cause you're presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone."_

Remus knew there was only one way to get rid of his misery. One option that would allow him to be free once more. He slowly ascended the steps to the owlery, feeling as though he were lifting one foot out of thick mud only to place it back down into quicksand. His breathing grew more labored despite the fact that it wasn't a very hard staircase to climb.

Remus' entire being was focused on this task. He made it to the owlery, pausing for a moment in the doorway to look about him. The lead weight that had become his permanent companion grew to twice it's size, and Remus' breathing became slightly more frantic. Now that he was here, he wasn't sure that he wanted to be.

"_These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real, there's just too much that time cannot erase."_

But the more Remus thought about it, the more his resolve strengthened. He doubted his friends had noticed he was gone, so the slight delay wouldn't destroy his plans. The Marauders hadn't noticed much of anything recently when it came to Remus. They were all so excited with graduation, and their future jobs. In the Marauder's eagerness to leave, they would go out and not bother to push Remus to tell them why he wasn't going. It's not that the brunette wanted them to nag him so much as he wanted to know that they CARED.

But then the other half of the werewolf reminded him that of course they cared, they were just busy. 'Too busy for me,' Remus thought to himself. 'And that's not going to get better anytime soon.'

With a heavy sigh and a shaking hand, the werewolf sought out James' owl, and tied a letter to him. "Deliver this at breakfast tomorrow, alright?" he asked, peering intently into the owls face. Their caramel eyes met, and the creature hooted back, seeming to understand him. Pleased with this, Remus nodded his head and then jerkily made his way over to the window.

It had no screen on it, so the owl's could get in and out. It was also pretty big, to make room for the larger ones. And, of course, it was in a tower, so it was high up. Remus decided to hit two birds with one stone, so to speak, and just do it here. Heart leaping back and forth in his throat, he thought he might die of a heart attack before he could carry out the rest of his plans. A cold sweat broke out on his forehead, and he peered down out of the tower's opening. Nobody was directly below. 'Perfect,' he muttered, and shakily place a hand on the windowsill to give him leverage for the plunge.

Without even being aware of it, tears began to fall from Remus' eyes. He was scared, uncertain of what would happen after he died. Seated on this window, the wind whipping past him, Remus was more afraid than he ever had been in his life. But through the fear the werewolf became aware of the fact his dread had been diminished. A simple push and it would be over, his life ended simply and quickly. With a final sigh, Remus J. Lupin let go of the frame that had been holding him up and released himself into the wind.


End file.
